Soundtracks, Part 10

Album: ‘Man On the Moon‘
Year: 1999

When a film is someone’s pet project, you can tell. Every decision to make the film, whether you agree with it or not, is obviously meticulously detailed and intentional. Whenever I watch this film, I feel that way in every scene. With the soundtrack, I feel it was R.E.M.’s Michael Stipe calling the shots with how everything was orchestrated and presented. And while the music selections tried to reflect the film’s esoteric hero, Andy Kaufman, and his style, it comes off like it is three good songs short of being a masterpiece.

Track of Distinction: Michael Stipe and Jim Carrey (donning the vocal costumes of Kaufman and alter-ego Tony Clifton) for “This Friendly World” is really enchanting and very uplifting.

Albums: ‘The Matrix,’ ‘The Animatrix,’ and ‘The Matrix Reloaded‘
Years: 1999 and 2003

The success of the first film, and its unsuspecting soundtrack, was that it was so different than what anyone had seen or heard at the time. Its perceived subversiveness was part of its charm and its lasting affect on society. While the sequels and the soundtracks thereof were perceived as cheap, over-reaching knockoffs of the original, it should not diminish everything the original strived for and truly achieved. The blend of good rock and techno is both soothing and driving, making it the perfect score for your next all-night cram session.

Track of Distinction: There is so much good stuff in the first soundtrack, I always come back to Rob D’s “Clubbed to Death” as, not only the best song on the album, but also one of the quintessential beats in the film.

Album: ‘A Mighty Wind‘
Year: 2003

I’m pretty sure this film, and the music that made it worthwhile, was a bit more than filmmaker Christopher Guest could really grasp. While his other send-up to the music industry that is the immortal This is Spinal Tap used music to drive home the absurdity of the hair metal scene in the 70s and 80s, Guest missed something that not a lot of people want to admit about folk music: it’s already filled to the brim with subtext, innuendo, and entendre that already lampoons itself in a way. So, while tryingt o sound subversive, the music in this film comes off like a straight folk record. Good job?

Track of Distinction: The titular grand finale song sung by the entire cast is as close to parody as you can get without working blue.

Album: ‘Mortal Kombat‘
Year: 1995

When I pick up a video game controller and want to disembowel an electronic nemesis, I want music that compliments the surge of adrenaline I put into the game so I don’t take it out on the poor barista who fucked up my coffee order the other morning (Note: based on someone else’s true story). Ever pull someone’s spine out of their body to the strains of Seals and Crofts? I can imagine it’s pretty anti-climactic. Though this is the soundtrack for the film, the principle remains the same: pump up the bass, get the blood moving, and FIGHT!

Track of Distinction: Orbital’s “Halcyon + On + On” is the kind of low-key track that hits you unsuspectingly, providing a throbbing bass line that brings you to an emotional peak without you even knowing it. Trippy.

Album: ‘Napoleon Dynamite‘
Year: 2004

I’ve discussed my open relationship with indie movies and their soundtracks, and this one is rather interesting, though it clocks in just under the length of the actual movie. It has its quirks, just like the characters, but the real appeal to this album are the soundbites of movie dialogue that seem to be as esoteric and “take it at face value” as the song selections. Honestly, if this wasn’t associated with a movie, it could easily be one of those bootleg mixes you can buy at the car wash for two bucks.

Track of Distinction: Alphaville’s “Forever Young” is timeless and a big reason I still own this album.

Soundtracks, Part 9

Album: ‘A Knight’s Tale‘
Year: 2001

Ordinarily, I would bitch when a soundtrack does not align with the movie it supports, but now will not be one of those times. Sure, it might seem odd to score a movie set in the middle ages with classic rock tunes, but this movie pulls it off by doing it boldly and with no pretense. Neither the movie nor the soundtrack take themselves too seriously and that’s kind of their charms. While you might think seeing a castle dance scene set to David Bowie’s “Golden Years” or a joust backed by the strains of Queen’s “We Will Rock You” absurd, the way it is pulled off makes it seem absurd if anything else were in those places.

Track of Distinction: “Get Ready,” by the Rare Earth is just a great song and deserves a bit of respect here.

Album: ‘Ladder 49‘
Year: 2004

Like a good amount of the music I have in my collection, I often times rip copies of things that look interesting from friends and family. My parents, who really enjoyed this film, bought the soundtrack. I liked the movie (though I have only seen it once) and decided to give this a try. What we have is the quintessential soundtrack for a movie trying to make action and heroism sell to the Baby Boomer generation. When the album strikes gold, like with “Fire” and “If I Should Fall from Grace With God,” it does it well. But the rest of it is aduld contemporary dreck that should have been left in the blaze.

Track of Distinction: “Cannonball,” by The Breeders is one of those songs I’ve heard in the background of commercials for years but never could put a name on. Now, I can.

Album: ‘Leonard Cohen: I’m Your Man‘
Year: 2006

Here is another album I ripped from a friend. This time, it’s the soundtrack to a film about the life of legendary singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen. While the album is predominantly made up of live covers from a live festival of these works, it does illustrate the immense amount of love and respect these people have for him. Every track sounds like it was lovingly rehearsed and supremely orchestrated ahead of time and is quite a beautiful collection of covers. I just wish Leonard’s voice was more a part of this collection.

Track of Distinction: Teddy Thompson’s take on “The Future” is bold, invigorating, and really suitable for this time in our collective history.

Album: ‘The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou‘
Year: 2004

Whether you loved or hated Wes Anderson’s quirky nautical adventure with Bill Murray, it’s hard to deny that the music was something quite special. Sure, there’s more score on this album than I would like, but whether the parts with Seu Jorge singing David Bowie songs in Portugese or some of the more esoteric offerings from bands like Devo, there’s really something for everyone to take away from this album with a sense that they may know the movie that much better now. It almost makes me forget the two young ladies heckling the movie from the back row of the theater. Almost.

Track of Distinction: Cinema score-master Ennio Morricone and folk goddess Joan Baez compliment one another’s styles with “Here’s To You.”

Albums: ‘Mad Men: Music from the Series’ Vol. 1 and Vol. 2
Years: 2008 and 2009 (respectively)

Woo! Pour me a stiff drink on the rocks and get me a pretty thing to rub up against because the 60s are back! Wait, they’re not? That’s not what this music tells me. Whenever I hear “Make America Great Again,” I think of the early-to-late 60s landscape of Mad Men where life seemed simple because we, as a people, we so entranced with our lives, the rapidly approaching future, and basked in the blissful ignorance of either being on top (read: white folks) or fighting to come up from the bottom (read: everyone else) and these albums were part of that collective soundtrack. Sure, the music is good, but it it shows how needy our society was, almost begging to be wrapped up in good times and memories that we didn’t really want tomorrow to ever come. Sound familiar?

Track of Distinction: Sorry to get all political. Hopefully the soothing sounds of Ella Fitzgerald’s “Manhattan” will make up for it.

Soundtracks, Part 8

Album: ‘It’s Kind of a Funny Story‘
Year: 2010

I have to imagine it’s hard to score a story that revolves around mental illness, but when it’s done right you know. This story that revolved around the pain of being young (yes, it’s real) and the emotional hardships we can put on ourselves has a lot of ups and downs that are perfectly captured in song by the soundtrack producers. There is no cheeky wink at the audience, there is no subliminal message taking a side, just music that encapsulates raw emotion and even a bit of joy that can be found even in our darkest times.

Track of Distinction: “Smash It Up (Parts 1 & 2),” by The Damned get the nod over the Pink Mountaintops’ “Tourist In Your Town” because it better reflects the youth angst that was near the heart of this movie.

Album: ‘Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back‘
Year: 2001

Despite the film being an amalgam of throw-away bits of dialogue from other movies filmmaker Kevin Smith decided to stitch together into its own movie, I’m glad the soundtrack did not come off in that way. Where the movie had some memorable bits and charm, the soundtrack capitalized in spades with offerings from Marcy Playground, Run DMC, and Stroke 9. It also does something I wish more comedy movie soundtracks would do and that’s provide small snippets of some of the best lines in the film. Gives a nice balance of humor to go along with the music. Perhaps I’ll sprinkle in a couple of these on the mixtape.

Track of Distinction: Afroman’s “Because I Got High” was good enough to put on the mix discs I made for the stoners I knew in college (all of whom completely missed the irony of the song) and it’s good enough to be here.

Album: ‘Juno‘
Year: 2008

It is getting pretty clear to me that I have a weakness for soundtracks from quirky indie movies and I think I can trace most of that back to this movie right here. While being a great film, it used music so well in the plot that it became almost its own character in the story. The songs were as quirky as the characters on screen and some of them just as memorable. Yes, there are some obligatory throwaway songs (why the fuck does this song exist?) but the rest of the time is stacked with great tracks from Mott the Hoople, The Kinks, Belle & Sebastian, and Sonic Youth. Definitely a soundtrack album that is a charmer even if you have never seen the film.

Track of Distinction: Barry Louis Polisar’s upbeat and catchy “All I Want It You” edges out Cat Power’s moving and moody cover of “Sea of Love” simply because I’m planning on showcasing Cat Power later.

Album: ‘Kick-Ass‘ and ‘Kick-Ass 2‘
Years: 2010 and 2013 (respectively)

There are some movies we watch knowing they’re just going to be an orgy of violent catharsis and these two albums reflect that. Offering up a wide range of styles and moods to go with these anti-hero bloodbaths wasn’t easy but it makes them fascinating to hear. I mean, who else would think about putting Elvis’ “An American Trilogy” in a movie where bullets were fired by the gross and blood spilled by the gallon? And the music is pretty decent. Needless to say, I got some new good workout tracks to add to the mix.

Track of Distinction: ‘Dance‘ from Danko Jones is a solid track that is a ton of fun, just like these movies.

Album: ‘Kill  Bill, Vol. 1‘ and ‘Kill Bill, Vol. 2‘
Years: 2003 and 2004

Speaking of music that fits well with ultra-violent films, here are two albums that try and underscore the brutality of this tale of revenge that spans two films. Instead of trying to amp up the audience during scenes of carnage, Tarantino did well by finding a balance with songs that took things down a notch. This was an homage to the old samurai and spaghetti western films he was emulating, but hearing it with a contemporary twist was remarkable and I’m glad I sought out these albums.

Track of Distinction: Zamfir’s ‘The Lonely Shepherd‘ compliments the films so well and is really dynamic for being an instrumental led by a pan-flautest.

Soundtracks, Part 7

Album: ‘Hackers‘
Year: 1995

Before it was EDM, the catch-all name was Techno and it was the soundtrack of the technologically subversive. At least, that’s what the movie led everyone to believe. I would like to think that computer hackers in the 90s were listening to Barry Manilow while they were stealing corporate secrets. I got a copy of this soundtrack from my friend who loved the movie (I’ve never seen it) and really wanted the Prodigy track. The entire album was just a drone of techno music that made me feel all 68 minutes of its length. This kis not to say that it was bad, but this kind of music an get to most anyone after a while.

Track of Distinction: Stereo MCs’ “Connected” is one of the more pop-rock tracks on the album but it still has that techno beat backing it. I chose it because I don’t want to add a 10-minute opus to the mix that is guaranteed to get skipped.

Album: ‘The Hangover‘ and ‘The Hangover, Part II‘
Years: 2009 and 2011 (respectively)

While I appreciated the movies (except the last one. That one stunk), the soundtracks were actually pretty decent for what they are. Director Todd Phillips has very particular tastes in music he uses in his films and it is reflected in these two albums. While the first one was seriously lacking due to the high licensing costs of much of the music, both albums come together to make a couple of albums that are good compilations in their own rights.

Track of Distinction: It’s hard not to place Danzig’s “Thirteen” here, though Mark Lanegan and Curtis Mayfield did their best to nearly sway me.

Album: ‘High Fidelity‘
Year: 2000

For a film (based on a terrific book) so about music appreciation, the soundtrack doesn’t help the cause of offering up music that can truly resonate with the novice listener. What could have been an olive branch to people caught in the mainstream comes off more like Music Snobbery 101 with very little to really to really grasp and even less to help make tangible links back to the movie source. It does hit with offerings from The Beta Band and Stevie Wonder, but the rest seems kinda lost though they are offerings from the likes of Bob Dylan and The Velvet Underground.

Track of Distinction: John Wesley Harding’s “I’m Wrong About Everything” is a song every perspective groom needs to sit down and hear before they go ring shopping.

Album: ‘The Hunger Games: Songs from District 12 and Beyond‘
Year: 2012

I was hesitant to get this album because I HATED the movie (the book had so much more depth that could have been included in the film but wasn’t–AWW FUCK, NOW I’M PISSED!) but it had good word-of-mouth. Sure, I thought, it’s a soundtrack with Arcade Fire and The Decemberists. What could go wrong? I forget that, albums like these are always aimed at the movie’s target demographic; in this case, teenage girls. So, while it was solid, I had to wade through two Taylor Swift tracks, some Miranda Lambert, and a super-moody offering from Maroon 5. There was enough good stuff to make this acquisition worthwhile, but not by much.

Track of Distinction: “Tomorrow Will Be Kinder” by The Secret Sisters haunts my soul. I recommend it also haunt yours.

Album: ‘I Am Sam‘
Year: 2001

Though the film never interested me, the premise behind the soundtrack–all Beatles covers–intrigued the shit out of me. My experience with covers is that they allow the covering artist to make it theirs while also luring in new listeners with a familiar hook. But, with this album, I had the feeling that these songs would be more than just fancy transports for artists trying to make their name (look at the track list, they don’t need to). These songs were performed artfully by each artist like the songs were orphaned children brought up to revere the memory of their departed parents. This album is a must for every Beatles fan.

Track of Distinction: Rufus Wainwright is one of the few musicians who has the vocal range to aptly cover “Across the Universe” and this version nearly made me weep.

Soundtracks, Part 6

Album: ‘Forrest Gump‘
Year: 1994

Though not the catalyst for my love of classic rock, this certainly helped me expand my horizons beyond the realm of contemporary music during my formative years. This soundtrack, like the film, has mass appeal written all over it with every track a household sound that was sure to please. My dad took a look at the track listing and simply said, “Wow.” It sounds like a time capsule of when American rock music finally came into its own.

Track of Distinction: Jefferson Airplane’s “Volunteers” is a rocking good time that I keep overlooking. No longer.

Album: ‘Friday‘
Year: 1995

I didn’t watch this movie until I was in college and, when I did, I was immediately attracted to the music. Still being a relative rap newbie (not to mention the whitest person in the county), I find this soundtrack welcoming showing me the personality of the film in song form. Like the neighborhood in the film, the soundtrack has its overly-masculine side, its smooth old school side, and even its soft side that all ring genuine. A well-crafted album for a surprisingly poignant movie.

Track of Distinction: Rose Royce’s “I Wanna Get Next to You” is the softest offering on the album but it also resonates the most.

Album: ‘Godzilla: The Album‘
Year: 1998

While most of us would be fine with going about our lives like this turd of a movie never happened, we tend to forget about the dumpster fire that is the soundtrack. Built up around power singles from Puff Daddy and an above-average David Bowie cover by The Wallflowers, the album is a hodge-podge of music that likely didn’t make the movie and was included to build up the albums credentials with its target audience. I was part of said audience in 1998 and, therefore, handed several dollars to my local Target for this CD. I defended it at the time, but time did not treat this well with many sub-par offerings by bands lucky to make the undercard at Lollapalooza. Not time well-spent.

Track of Distinction: I didn’t star a single track off this album for distinction. HAHAHAHAHA! Fuck it, I’ll give it to The Wallflowers just for the hell of it.

Album: ‘The Great Gatsby‘
Year: 2013

Another in a shockingly long list of soundtracks for films I have never seen, I come to a heavy-R&B soundtrack to a movie based on the whiniest white privilege book of all time (read: not a fan). The album is good, though. Executive producer Jay-Z takes some chances with an above-average cover of Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black,” a soaring Florence + The Machine track, a Lana Del Rey song that could double as a Bond movie song, and even a rocker by Jack White making it an album that truly keeps you on your toes. While I could have done without Beyonce’s speakeasy version of “Crazy in Love,” the album does its job and (probably) compliments the film rather well.

Track of Distinction: Jay-Z, Kanye West, Frank Ocean, and The Dream get together and knock “No Church In the Wild” out of the freaking park! This track is head and shoulders above everything else on the album, and that’s quite a feat.

Album: ‘Guardians of the Galaxy: Awesome Mix, Vol. 1‘
Year: 2014

My wife affectionately calls this movie, “The Movie Where Chris Pratt Got Hot.” She’s never seen it. She doesn’t like “comic book movies” so I watched this alone in our basement one night and immediately loved it. The soundtrack, based on a mixtape the mother of Pratt’s character  gave him full of good 70s and 80s pop classics, is freaking great except my wife couldn’t stand it. Well, if I had known that, I would have listened to this album in the basement without her. But hearing it while driving was definitely worth it.

Track of Distinction: From an album with no stars to one where nearly every track was starred, this was one tough choice. In the end, Redbone’s “Come and Get Your Love” won out for being smooth and insanely catchy.

Soundtracks, Part 5

Album: ‘Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star‘
Year: 2003

I saw this movie while pretty intoxicated and thought it was pretty decent. I saw it sober on cable some time later and, wasn’t impressed by anything but the music. The soundtrack is a good compilation of some classic rock and motown with a smattering of bullshit in between (Leif Garrett and Corey Feldman each have tracks on here). Outside of those glaring additions, the rest of the album is solid, including the original collaboration song that needs to be seen to be appreciated.

Track of Distinction: The Bloodstone track, “Natural High” is solid and needs more reverence than it gets from people my age.

Album: ‘Due Date‘
Year: 2010

While the buddy comedy may be a genre that should be dead and buried, Due Date endures (on basic cable) and its soundtrack is pretty decent. I didn’t get this album for any singular reason, but it is solid. Some older stuff mixed in with newer tracks aimed at the target demographic works out because I’m in that sweet spot. While I dislike the brevity of the soundtrack (my version only has 13 track, 3 of them score-related), what they included they did right and that goes a long way in my book.

Track of Distinction: “Mykonos” by Fleet Foxes is just a spectacular track that could have been lost but sets itself apart with its heart and subtle charm.

Album: ‘Empire Records‘
Year: 1995

One of the hallmark signs of a good soundtrack is it makes me want to watch the movie again. True, the only reason someone in their mid-thirties should watch a mid-90s coming-of-age movie is purely nostalgic, but this soundtrack reminds me of a great story, memorable characters, all held together with music. While there aren’t many marquis names on the album, what is there really captures the mood and essence of what it meant to try and find yourself in a generation of people who all wanted to lose themselves.

Track of Distinction: “I Don’t Want to Live Today” by Ape Hangers is one of those early pop-punk efforts that does a good job keeping feet solidly planted in each world.

Album: ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas‘
Year: 1998

The soundtrack for a movie that makes me feel like I need a stint in rehab should also give me the same feeling of unease and mild paranoia that comes with drug use. The album’s producers did well by adding a rider to each track of lines from the movie, whether they were directly tied to the song or not. The film leaned heavily on music in some scenes and the ripest choices were saved for the album (though others were omitted due to financial constraints). More listenable as a collection than most Tarantino compilations but they share the same vibe of being a bit esoteric yet fitting for the project.

Track of Distinction: “Expecting to Fly” by Buffalo Springfield is one of the milder selections from the album but that’s why it really stands out.

Album: ‘Footloose‘
Year: 1984

I vaguely remember watching this movie in middle school when it was on TV one night. I remember enjoying it, thinking John Lithgow must really enjoy playing antagonistic characters, and thinking there was way too many musical interludes. Years later, I realize that was the appeal of this film, and that’s fine. Thanks to marketing, I went looking for the soundtrack to add the song to a mix I’m currently finalizing and the soundtrack is now up on deck. I have to imagine this movie and soundtrack were targeted to a female audience but it is pretty good, though really sappy at times (see: “Almost Paradise,” a song I’m sure was played at every high school prom for a decade after this release).

Track of Distinction: “Never” by Moving Pictures edges Sammy Hagar’s “The Girl Gets Around,” though both are so sublimely 80s that I may have to include both on the mixtape.

Soundtracks, Part 4

Album: ‘City of Angels‘
Year: 1998

I remember buying this just so I could have the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris” without having to buy whatever insidious Best of compilation that they would produce and, to this day, I regret the transaction. The movie, which was decent though I have only seen it once and never wanted to see it again, was the perfect set up for a soundtrack that would feed into the latent 90s depression with tracks like Peter Gabriel’s “I Grieve” and Sarah McLachlan’s “Angel” (the anthem for neglected animals everywhere) it hit a bit too much on the nose. Thank God for the infusion of some good blues thanks to Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and John Lee Hooker.

Track of Distinction: “Uninvited,” by Alanis Morissette–a song I couldn’t stand when I bought this album–is the only truly redeeming aspect of it.

Album: ‘Cleveland Rocks! Music from the Drew Carey Show‘
Year: 1998

Another television soundtrack that actually does a good job at turning the music that was included in the show into a soundtrack that is worth the purchase price. Taken from the show’s numerous openings and musical montages, this show captures the quirky and endearing essence that made it a fan favorite (and cult classic) that lives on in syndication. While a bit on the nerdy side at times (it has the “Time Warp” for God’s sake) it also includes some of the humorous musical aisides and non sequitors that make it a really great compilation. Just try not to think that the version of “Rocky Mountain Way” with Joe Walsh and Little Richard isn’t just the best. Who else had this? No one!

Track of Distinction: The Edgar Winter classic “Free Ride” is included because of this memorable scene from the show all that calls out a body image double-standard and the non-conventional protest that ensued.

Album: ‘Community‘
Year:2010

Another television soundtrack from a show that really captures the way that music was woven into the show. While it wasn’t as obvious as the previous entry, Community did a good job integrating music when appropriate and never made it the focal point of an episode (until they did!). Included are such whimsical bits like the Spanish rap, which was in a throwaway scene at the end of a season one episode but endeared itself to the audience. Most of the album consists of tracks like these making it not too lengthy but also fairly light on the legit music, too.

Track of Distinction: There’s a story behind “Getting Rid of Britta” sung by guest star Eric Olsen as shirtless neo-hippie Vaughn, but it works by itself so much that it gets, not only a pass, but a distinction. Plus, Chevy singing backup is fucking priceless.

Album: ‘Death Proof‘
Year: 2007

One half of the Grindhouse soundtrack set is the one for Death Proof and, though both films were kind of cheesy, I enjoyed this one the most. Acquired by request of one of my friends, I decided to check it out. Like most Tarantino soundtracks, this one is filled with good-yet-esoteric music that is his trademark interspliced with quotes from the film. The soundtrack is decent but pretty forgettable aside from a few tracks. Perhaps you need to have a fairly intimate connection with the film to truly appreciate it?

Track of Distinction: The Coasters’ “Down in Mexico” is so great that is cannot be denied.

Album: ‘Deep Cover‘
Year: 1992

Here is another rare soundtrack for a movie I have never seen and have no plans to see. Acquired for one of my wife’s friends, she claimed the soundtrack was awesome and I would like it if I had any interest in gangsta rap. In retrospect, I should have questioned this assessment from one of the whitest people I know, but I gave it a chance. Every track seemed labored and more like a collection of b-sides and cast-offs from albums that went on for modest success in their own rights. It’s just too hard to get into an album with this song on it.

Track of Distinction: Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre’s contribution is the titular track, “Deep Cover,” which is one of the only palatable selections from the entire platter.

Soundtracks, Part 3

Album: ‘The Big Lebowski‘
Year: 1998

For a movie it took me several viewings to appreciate and truly “get” comes a soundtrack that is much the same way. Truly, some of the film’s charm comes from the more notable scenes where the music played its own character–notably Kenny Rogers’ “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In” and the Spanish version of “Hotel California” by the Gipsy Kings–but due to some licensing cost issues the soundtrack has a lot of the more subtle additions to the film and that’s what makes it a little less palatable than anticipated. I guess it might take me a few more spins to really get this, too.

Track of Distinction: It’s hard to deny Nina Simone’s “I Got It Bad & That Ain’t Good” for this honor.

Album: ‘Boogie Nights‘ and ‘Boogie Nights 2: More Music from…’
Year: 1997 and 1998 (respectively)

For the soundtrack from a film aimed at the dreams of huge-dicked numbskulls everywhere, it’s really good (and so was the movie, I was just kidding). Most people cringe at the thought of music from the late 1970s but fail to remember that there was a shitload of great music coming out at that time. Sure, everyone remembers disco, but there was also a lot of great pop and dance music, much of those highlights are captured on these two soundtrack albums including Three Dog Night, The Commodores, Marvin Gaye, and Hot Chocolate. This is the perfect album to play if you want to sift out the riff-raff at your next soiree.

Track of Distinction: It’s hard to deny that “Spill the Wine” by former Animals frontman Eric Burdon and the funk band War is anything other than a classic.

Album: ‘Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day‘
Year: 2010

Thank God I didn’t pay actual money for this piece of shit album (it was a promotional freebie from … I don’t know, some website). I know that this movie is supposed to appeal to our neanderthal pre-pubescent urge for tons of gunplay, lots of swearing, and some clever one-liners, but I expected the soundtrack to be that in music form. Alas, I am mistaken. What I got was a ton of insecure “hardcore” rock songs that are supposed to play-up the inherent grittiness of a movie that failed to live up to its great cult fore-bearer.

Track of Distinction: Thank God The Dirges contributed “Better Days” to this album (one of FOUR on this single soundtrack) so I wouldn’t have to subject you Sean C’s sublimely raunchy “Balls Deep.” You’re welcome.

Album: ‘Charlie’s Angels: Full Trottle‘
Year: 2003

Another compilation I’m glad I didn’t pay for (ripped it from a buddy who loves Electric Six’s “Danger! High Voltage!“) because I’m not keen on acquiring soundtracks for films I have no intention on seeing. The soundtrack sounds like a bad mixtape compiled by someone whose record collection is comprised of their uncle’s shitty 80s rock and pop albums, their older sister’s high school dance phase, and their cousin’s crappy cover songs (Nickelback and Kid Rock combine to ruin a rock classic!) to make something that made me really glad when it ended. Sure, some of the tracks, on their own, are solid, but as a package this soundtrack proves that skipping this movie was probably the right idea.

Track of Distinction: Edwyn Collins’ “A Girl Like You” is such a good bluesly-rock song that it almost redeems this dumpster fire of a soundtrack. Almost.

Album: ‘Chef Aid: The South Park Album‘
Year: 1998

It was really remarkable when, in their second season, South Park was able to wrangle a veritable shitload of excellent artists and bands to appear in a single episode of the show. From that, an album was born that, not only paid homage to the episode itself, but the music that had been an important part of the show to that point (and for many years after). From that, we get a good “songs from and inspired by” album that really stands up to the weight of the billing. Nearly every track demands your attention and respect with the same charm that the show provides. I mean, who else could get serial Trump-style feminists Ike Turner and Rick James to sing one of Chef’s trademark songs? South Park, motherfuckers!

Track of Distinction: I wanted to focus on a show-related song, so I picked Master P’s “Kenny’s Dead” because it is just too good to pass up.

Soundtracks, Part 2

Albums: The American Pie Quadrilogy [AP1 | AP2 | Wedding | Reunion]
Years: 1999 – 2012

Ever wanted to know what music was being played in Frat houses nationwide in the early 21st Century while bros were crushing beers and sloppily scamming on women? Look no further than these soundtracks. Each one gives you the feeling like either you’re in a Mountain Dew commercial or someone is going to pull up in a monster truck and ask you to do a keg stand on the sidewalk (IT COULD HAPPEN). While there is some nostalgia intertwined with these movies and the music therein, there’s also some cringe-worthy shit in there that makes people my age hang our collective heads, sheild our eyes, and pray our kids are smarter knowing full well they won’t be.

Track of Distinction: Honestly, there is some good music over these four albums, and it’s pretty well-sprinkled throughout. I chose the raunchy-yet-sweet “Laid” by Matt Nathanson over Gob’s “Give Up the Grudge” though both of them are pretty cool and really catchy.

Albums: The Anchorman Movies [Legend | Legend Continues]
Years: 2004 and 2013 (respectively)

Ever been in a situation where you’re about to have some freaky sex on a faux tiger-skin rug and you realize that your heater has been blasting full-blast all weekend and it’s triple-digits in your place so both of you (or more!) are sweating like horny beasts? This is the music you put on in that exact situation. Lots of 70s and 80s dance music mixed in with some solid adult contemporary to help you get your swerve on the right way. My only complaint is that Ron doesn’t include epic commentary on every track on the sequel’s album.

Track of Distinction: “Grazing in the Grass” by The Friends of Distinction gets the nod, though it is hard to ignore the … um … unbridled emotion of Henry Gross’ “Shannon.”

Album: ‘Archer Presents: Cherlene‘
Year: 2014

Ah, our first television soundtrack album is quite a doozy. It revolves around a story arc in the Archer: Vice season where the batshit-crazy, glue swilling billionaire secretary, Cheryl aspires to become the “Number One Country Singer in all of American and parts of Canada” and, through the help of a mind-control chip, morphs into Cherlene (OUTLAW COUNTRY!). In several episodes, there are scenes where Cherlene is recording, performing, or jamming along and these songs were recorded, not by voice actress Judy Greer, but by actual country singer Jessy Lynn Martens of JUNOsmile. Unlike most music that is made for a television show, these tracks (albeit mostly covers) are really solid and can actually hold up as a legit country album (if anyone asks).

Track of Distinction: The rich honky-tonk sound of “Midnight Blues” edges out the moody cover of The Clash’s “Straight to Hell” and really captures the real Cherlene Outlaw Country spirit.

Album: ‘Armageddon: The Album‘
Year: 1998

When this album came out, I was still deeply entrenched in my Aerosmith fandom and made a special trip to Best Buy the day it was released just to get it. While I still contend “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” is a good enough reason not to dispose of this CD, the rest is left seriously wanting making it a compilation not even this snazzy TV spot could even save. Like the turd of a movie, this soundtrack tries too hard to shove a bunch of old things made new down the throats of the listener while half of the soundtrack is comprised of songs that never made the film. And it included “Animal Crackers.” Oh, for fuck’s sake …

Track of Distinction: Though I’m trying to avoid overlap with former and future artists featured on TTIHH, ZZ Top’s “La Grange” is really terrific and pairs well with one of my favorite scenes in the film.

Album: ‘Best of Bond‘
Year: 2002 (and ongoing)

One of the more intriguing soundtracks I have is not for a single movie but for a series whose iconography can be linked to the special one-off songs produced for each one. This collection was sold as static with a new edition coming out after every new film, but I found it easier to just buy the new singles and simply pile on in iTunes. It’s easy to forget that, not only were the songs for these movies really good, but the producers over the years were able to get the creme de la creme of the music world to perform them. While some might fall short in comparison to their cadre, it’s fun to hear this collection and see how far the series has come in this regard.

Track of Distinction: While Duran Duran’s “A View to a Kill” and Tina Turner’s “GoldenEye” (penned by Bono and The Edge) are both great tracks, Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does It Better” is chosen because it doesn’t need to movie as a crutch toward greatness. Also, “Live and Let Die” is way overrated.